On Attending a Trans and GNC Cabaret
I drove into the city to see my close friend perform at a trans & gender non-conforming cabaret, hidden away in a super-cozy lesbian bar in a small secret basement space. I went by myself, but quickly was pulled into a group with a friend and friends of friends. The show allowed lip-synching, drag kings and queens, burlesque, standup comedy, or other performance art, and showcased local talent, both experienced and new. I’m avoiding specific names, because this post isn’t an advertisement or about giving props to the performers, who absolutely deserve it, but about a feeling demanding expression from me.
Seeing as every day, somewhere in the news, something vilifies this group — or defends us, but either way, considers us a topic of debate, or at very least a topic that owes an explanation — it was nice to be in such a thriving and warm environment where we could be, rather than be evaluated. Where we could be a group rather than an issue.
I wrote, privately elsewhere, a long journal entry chronologically summarizing the night; I will share the final paragraph here. Remember, every time the bigots come for those of us with alternate gender presentation (whether it’s our identity or a performance), this is what they are coming for.
“But [the previous paragraphs of my journal entry] are only a list of facts. Facts that remind me of, but cannot adequately capture, the feeling of being in that space filled with cheering and smiling — trans and gnc joy and art and celebration and expression, trans and gnc comfort at existing without worrying what eyes are on us, with no need for armor or apology. No stage, just a walkway between tables turned runway, hidden in a mostly unlabeled lesbian bar in a smallish basement filled with couches, warm colors, shadows and dim lighting, a few friends, a few more future friends, and maybe a hundred strangers who feel like community, and just…. a feeling of peace gently undercurrented by power and hope.”
To exist with no need for armor or apology. To exist without worrying what eyes are watching. To exist with a feeling of peace. To exist with joy and art and celebration and expression. To exist in community. To exist in comfort. To exist.
